Clackamas Classic

May 18, 2013

Glendoveer East Golf Course (Portland, OR)

Format:  two-man best ball

2013 Clackamas Classic was upon us.  The day kicked off as both co-hosts dressed for unpredictable weather patterns.  Host/CEO, Tim Tyvand, stayed within character and pessimistically outfitted himself in a full body rain proof suit.  Host/Administrative Assistant, Jim Rader, chose optimistic apparel consisting of shorts, tee shirt and sun visor. 

Light rain welcomed the field of 36 players.

With near record attendance, the field was fiercely competitive.  The songs of old often reference such competitions and the epic stories that result.  This occasion was one that will be sung about by generations to come.  Every team had the ability to shoot under net par.  Every team did.

Not only, for the first time in tournament history, did each team shoot under par; but, also half of this great field shot scores low enough to reach double digit sub-par numbers.  Still, these now legendary scores don’t tell the real story.  You have to look behind the stats to understand what happened that day.  While some of what transpired that day has been lost to history; there are several things we do know:

Jason Wold, hero, warmed up with a triple bloody mary.  This beverage fueled pace resulted in a post sciatica record round.  Once the dust settled on the eighteenth green, Wold’s score card reflected a gross score of 1 under par.  With the help of his partner Bryan Norris, the twosome ended the day at an incredible net 13 under.  An almost unattainable score for most; these men locked their place into history at third place in what is simply now referred to as “The Tournament”.

The fight for “The Tournament”, pitted friend against friend.  This was clearly evident amongst twosome teams Jake Panowicz/Sean Ealy and Andy Clark/Dave Charbonneau.  Clark and Charbonueau, being particularly wily that day, attempted to pierce Panowicz’s and Ealy’s mental iron with a parody of their expert guitar wielding skills.  The most personal battle that this land has ever seen ensued.    Each team drove the other to a final score of 13 strokes under par and a shared seat of second place at the table of history.  Jake Panowicz’s momentum launched him into the post tournament celebration and into the arms of one of the famed blazer dancers.  Panowicz wooed the young lady with the inspired moves of robot dance and accompanied robot voice.  The romantic night continued with Panowicz’s public reflection upon how he had lost the virginity he so protected as a young lad.  Alas, further details of this romance were lost in the haze of celebration that night.

How could any man better these storied competitors?  It was left up to the final grouping of Tyler Elliott/Larry McKenna and Steven Beal/James Rader.  Highlighted by advice from McKenna on where to find the best pre-80s photos on the internet,  Elliott and McKenna posted unreal scores through the front nine and kept pace with Beal and Rader.   With McKenna as the defending 2012 champion there was talk of a repeat.  Perhaps it was the honest handicap of Elliott (shout-out to 2012 co-champion, he who is not to be named).  More likely it was just too much time away from a computer terminal; regardless the Elliott/McKenna pairing could not keep up the blistering front nine pace.  The impressive pair still performed well and attained a tie for 5th place along with the gentleman pairing of Dann Sonne / Dylan “don’t pronounce my name wrong” Baptiste.

The talent at a three way tie for fourth place was reflected in the great names of the period.  Names such as Sopke and Hogfoss, the classic comedy duo from the 19th century.  Names such as Jim and Tim Tyvand, the family that founded “The Tournament”, the same family that fought back to back that day; father and son.  Names such as Jeff Albright and Matt Bonniksen, Jeff being part of the Albright family that played in “The Tournament” from its inception.  A day on which we remembered Bob Albright.

So much to be told of this day.  A day on which Rader’s soaking wet sun visor did not prevent him from watching Beal’s 18 hole performance, now referred to as “Round”.  Rader’s performance as the best spectator of all time resulted in Beal turning the Best Ball format into a single man event for the first seventeen holes.  The “Round”, consisted of that glorious bird, the net eagle, several times over.  The “Round” also consisted of a personal best gross score of 88.  The “Round” resulted in all-powerful figure Steven Beal and his side kick/spectator extraordinaire, James Rader,  shooting net 16 strokes under par.  This score has been looked at by many and is now understood to be a perfect score for that day.  A perfect score that captured victory.  Victory.  Victory.  Victory.  “The Tournament” had its champions. 

As the song is now sung, so goes the following verses 6-11:

Sixth Place

Rich Wold/Steve Teubner - “Teub” a rising star on the tour and Rich Wold, part of the large Wold Clan, was a promising pairing and delivered with 9 under.

Seventh Place

Bob Dickson/Cory Dickson - Another father son duo rep-re-sented on tour at minus 8

Eight Place (three way tie)

Tommy Berry/James Baker - The potent Berry/Baker combo resulted in 7 under.  Special thanks to Tommy’s assistance with “The Tournament”

Andy Rader/Kevin Govro - Andy Rader of the famous Rader clan and notable nice guy/single digit handicapper Kevin Govro posted an impressive 7 under.

Mark Irwin/Matt Stewart - Mark Irwin (Salem alumn) and Matt Stewart, the black market handicappers, resulted in a well-earned result of  7 under.

Tal Wold/Jake Miller - Tour veterans Tal Wold, another of the numerous Wold clan, and Jake Miller’s teamwork accomplished 7 under.

Ninth Place

Chris Olson/Brett Hamel - Brett Hamel, often the low stick on tour and Chris Olson posted a  -5 to capture a solo 9^th place.

Tenth Place

Seth Harris/Mike Carrano - Harris and Carrano, the twosome voted best style, finished at minus 4

Eleventh Place

David Baker/Ryan Gifford - In eleventh place, with a score that would win lesser tournaments, is David and Ryan at 3 under.

History can continue to the next event, the Al Fuego Invitational to be held on June 1^st.  More information soon to be released by tournament host Jeff Albright.